After Me

“I guess that all I’ll ever be is sorry.”

Words that will not soon be forgotten.

What a dismissive statement,

excusing you from all effort.

I ran out the front door, slamming it behind me.

When I got to my car, I looked over my shoulder.

You weren’t there.

Four years later and you’re off walking the Earth somewhere,

free to live amongst strangers without judgement.

I’m still here, drowning in ever-present memories.

You are enjoying your life right about now,

while I’m all too aware of the upcoming anniversary.

Not one of beginnings, firsts or even the end.

Instead, it’s the day that you changed our lives.

From that day forward, we had to fight to make simple conversation,

I had to drink to forget.

You had to lie to pretend.

We wouldn’t ever be the same.

It was your mistake, but somehow I’m left in the aftermath.

I crumble when I hear the lyrics of my use-to-be favorite band.

I can’t smell a bonfire without choking on the de ja vu.

I can only hope that you have to suffer as well.

I can only wish that you have to swallow the dark guilt,

like an over-fed garden snake slithering down your throat.

I can only pray that I will be released from the stench of it all.

 

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