It’s kind of crazy, when I read back through my blog posts. It starts out with a negative young woman who is working a job she hates. She claims that she will never quit and is positive that she knows there is more out there. Then, after months of the negativity, there is a gradual excitement. A realization. There are hints to a big change and a bright future ahead. Then finally, the ice is broken and she quits her job. She is filled with hope and lust for life. Every post is inspirational yet realistic. Then, things slowly get more realistic. Discussions of how hard work and dreams go together, hand and hand. The posts begin to trickle in whereas before they used to burst in like a flood. Finally, the tone and structure is hopeless, sadness and failure.
I could easily go back and delete the posts where I use such negative speech. I could change this whole blog and make it look like I’m just a super positive motivated person. But I will not be deleting any of these posts because they are honest and at the time when I wrote each one, thats how I was feeling. Sometimes chasing your dreams IS sad and difficult and it makes you feel like a failure. That’s a fact. That doesn’t mean that I ever gave up, it just gets to you sometimes.
I have not been posting in the last few weeks because I didn’t have anything to say. Life has gotten a bit wild lately and honestly, just very messy. But I feel better when I write, so I don’t know why I have been denying myself the pleasure. I will be pushing myself to write more often, more for myself than for you. That being said, I still hope you enjoy it.
Part of me wants to apologize for the ups and downs in the blog but I’m not going to do that. My writing represents the ebb and flow of my life, I have highs and lows like everyone else. I’ve hit a personal “rock bottom” when it comes to hope and wishful thinking lately, so that should explain the negative posts. I also turned 22, woo-hoo, so that brought on a whole new life crisis. I thought 21 was bad, but 22 hit me like a 4th dimension.
Anywho, I suppose this is just a personal reflection on my own writing. In the past few months, when I wrote something I would just write it and leave it. I would not go back to read it and see what I thought of it. So, I caught up on all of my blog posts and its a really odd experience. I don’t remember the specific wording and tone I use in each post, so sometimes I surprise myself with my writing.