Hey there everyone! I just got back from a week at the beach, I hope your week was just as nice! Unfortunately, I returned home to the same struggles that I was having when I left. I feel like if you go on vacation, you should be allowed to return to a new house, job and car…it’s only fair.

I fear that I am undergoing a little bit of a meltdown. I have been looking for jobs for about ten hours straight today. I just would like to have a little bit of income flowing in so that I can feel more comfortable while pursuing my passions. I suppose that dreams and comfort don’t go hand and hand.

I have been dealing with a lot of pressure from everyone in my life on a variety of different things. However, none of that compares to the pressure that I put on myself. I just don’t have patience to give myself time. I want to finish everything and I want to do it now. I have so many passions that I want to pursue while also bettering myself mentally and physically. Yet, I don’t want to give myself the time to actually succeed with any of these goals. Oh well, different monkey, different circus.

Anyway, just a heads up for anyone who is thinking about quitting their job….you will probably begin to self-destruct at some point. It doesn’t mean that you’re over and you will never recover. I think it’s probably just a typical phase of doing something that is not considered to be the “norm”. My advice, although I haven’t taken it myself yet, is to just take this in stride. Let yourself go a little crazy. Get frustrated. Get pissed. Cry. Reflect on all of the mistakes that you have made in the past ten years and then just get over it. Otherwise, you’re going to drive yourself insane….not to mention everyone around you.

It’s crazy how deep this need to fit in can run. I know that I don’t want to work an office job, yet I spent almost a whole day just sitting around looking for one. Why? I feel like I need to have a job so that when people ask me what I do, I don’t have to say “I am a video-editing, song-writing, dream-pursuing loser”. Even though, I LOVE making videos and I LOVE writing songs. Part of me is willing to give up something that I adore, to do something that I hate, just to get an approving smile from strangers I meet on the street. Is that ridiculous or what?

Alright guys, I’m done writing for now.

Hoping that you enjoyed this post and that you enjoy the rest of your night.


2 thoughts on “Self-destruct

  1. It is hard nowadays to find a balance between what we like and what gives us economical stability. It all depends on our particular situation. I feel identified a little bit with you. I had to give up my pride to start from scratch basically. But I am not done yet so there is a lot to do. Good luck for both! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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