Work was insane today. I’m going to spare you the glorious details, but like fifteen different things just went to absolute crap. Everyone was so passive aggressive to each other, there were a thousand mini-emergencies, we were running out of work, meetings were double booked, it was a chaotic mess.
But, I loved it. Typically, on a day like today, I’d be pulling my hair out and biting my nails. Today, I soaked up the disorganization, horrible communication skills, passive aggression and mismanaged office vibe. I basked in the glow of the hatred and anger that everyone was feeling towards each other. I got my work done and I got it done quickly.
It was one of those moments when you realize, “hey, I don’t belong here”. Now, I’ve always known that but today I felt like I was able to move. Almost like a loose pebble in a stream. It will definitely be able to move, it just needs a little bit of a push. Today was a pretty big push.
I don’t want to work in a place where I constantly feel like I’ve done something wrong. I work my butt of and I get amazing reviews on my routine meetings. I do everything that I am asked to do, plus more. I lend a hand whenever someone else is busy and I do it with a smile (even if it is a sarcastic one). I suggest new ideas, help put forth new policies and complete tasks that I was never trained to do. I’m no fool, I’m a catch when it comes to business matters.
There is certainly someone better suited for this job than I am. Probably someone who likes to do the minimum to get by. And you know what, they’ll fit the position perfectly and I may never even be missed. But I’m not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself anymore. I am a really hard worker, that’s a fact. This company has noted that time and time again, so there is no reason for them to act this way towards me.
I’m finally free!! Free of all of the doubts, guilt, sadness and anger. Today was like hell in a hand basket and it proved to me that this is just the way that they conduct business. It’s not me, it is the office culture that they’ve created for themselves. It is the negativity that has spread to each department. It’s the constant put-downs that they believe will inspire us to work harder. It’s the procrastination that lead to mini-disasters. It’s the disregard for the time and space of others. The company was this way when I arrived, and it will be the same when I leave.
This whole time I’ve been putting myself down and holding myself accountable for everyone else’s mistakes. I know that I am not perfect and that there has been some trial and error. But overall, I’ve done my very best and everyone knows that. A company’s culture is essential to the overall function and profitability. When you can see a toxic culture directly impacting business….well, it’s not a good sign.
How is your company’s culture? Have you ever been inspired by negativity?