So, this is what it all comes down to. Blogging on a free website, for no one’s apparent entertainment. I have really, really lost my cool. This time last year, I would have been making fun of someone like me. Who knew that quarter life crises actually exist? I’m only twenty-one, but yet, here I am. I can’t say for sure what really triggered this crisis, but I’ve got a nagging feeling that it was a combination of graduating college, and getting my first real job.
I am a logical person, really, I am. I have constantly told myself, and my boyfriend, that I want to live a realistic, simple life. A house a few towns over from where I grew up, close to the mountains, yet within driving distance of shopping and entertainment. Two, possibly three, kids and countless cats and dogs. One nice vacation a year, and a job that I don’t completely hate. That is what I have always wanted, because that is what I have always believed is the correct way to live. Well, in January of this year, all of that changed.
Change isn’t like me, I don’t like change. I like a schedule, a routine, a somewhat predictable lifestyle. Or, at least I used to. I graduated in December of 2016, a semester earlier than what was expected. Within two weeks of graduating, I found a promising job. I very quickly discovered that having an office job is not what I expected. Especially at 21. Everything about this job was a shock to my system, and not in a good way. Practically overnight, I decided that I wanted something different.
Small detour- I have always pursued creative endeavors on my own personal time. I love to write, sing, doodle, hike, travel, cook, eat, create, and rescue the occasional wild animal. But, these are not activities that I have allowed myself to ever consider as a potential vocation. Random or limited income, the possibility for failure, taking a risk, potential humiliation, NO WAY, JOSE. I am not the sort of person who chases fantasies, or looks on the “bright side of things”.
Anyway, I wanted something different. Before you get excited, this is not one of those inspirational stories where I quit my eight to four and pursued my dreams until they were in the palm of my hand. No, no, I am the much less admired, stay at my eight to four and dread waking up every morning, story. However, I believe that I am in the midst of a huge life change, so if you stick around…..you just may get what you came here looking for.
Okay, Okay- like I was saying, I wanted something different. Overnight, everything that I had ever known about myself changed. Now, I do not want an eight to four, or a house even remotely close to where I grew up, and I don’t even want to think about pushing a mini-person out. I will note that I do still want countless cats and dogs, and possibly a cow and a turtle as well.
So, now what? Now that I no longer recognize my own goals, ambitions, and dreams…what do I do? It seems that all I do is complain about how something needs to change, to my dad, my mom, my boyfriend, my friends, and not to mention myself. Yes, even I have become so sick of hearing myself talk about how unsatisfied I am. It’s very negative, and it’s not always out loud. However, the real issue arrises when all of these people ask me the same question; what do you want to do? All that I can do is stare back, and for once in my life…..I am speechless.